Are llamas and the Northern Lights in my future?

On the heels of last week’s column about being old and as a prelude to New Year’s resolutions, I started to think about several things in life I have never done or accomplished. Well, besides being a beloved and famous writer of bestselling novels.

I never really make New Year’s resolutions, but perhaps some of these would be good ones.

Number one, I would like to see how hay is baled. I love to go past a nice, neat field with hay bundled up nicely and neatly in the round bales. But I have never seen how that is done. I have never caught a person or a machine actually in the act of doing it. If I go past a field of hay in the late afternoon, then return early the next morning, somehow it has gotten done overnight while I slept. I would like to catch the process of making something so organized and picturesque.

Isn’t that a worthy goal?

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I would like to kick a door in as long as no one dangerous is waiting on the other side. I watch police shows where skinny little female cops in tight, tight jeans come up to a door with a big, burly male cop beside them, and the girls kick the door in. I’ve just always wondered if it is really that easy to kick a door in, especially an older, weak person in baggier jeans. I feel like I would probably split my jeans in the process along with breaking an ankle or leg.

I would like to jump off a diving board. I have one in our backyard in the pool, of course, but I have never jumped off of it. My fear of drowning, claustrophobia, fear of heights and fear of being recorded for America’s Funniest Videos sort of all meet at the diving board. Maybe next summer. It’s doubtful but maybe.

I would like to see the Northern Lights. This seems like a possible dream. I just have to travel more northern than Virginia, I suppose. I’d even like to see a meteor or a falling star. I’ve never seen one of those either. I think I could stand in the middle of a meteor shower in a desert and still miss it. I do cherish my memories of that little Hale-Bopp comet years ago, though.

I would also like to go for a walk with a llama. There is a farm up in the Charlottesville area that offers a llama hike, but I have not yet persuaded any of members of my family to join me. A llama spit on my mother once at a zoo, and that is the totality of my llama experience. They look cute and friendly on the website, though.

I would also like to sing all the words to “American Pie” without faltering. I’ve gotten pretty good through the decades of knowing the next line when I hear the first syllable, but I just want to know the next line without the syllable starting. My daughter-in-law Jill does. She grew up listening to her dad’s music in the car and memorized all the words to a ton of Golden Oldies. When I can beat Jill in singing all the words to “American Pie,” I will have arrived.

My kids have started to ask what I want for Christmas. Maybe I should ask for a perfect day under the Northern Lights in a field of hay being baled with a llama beside me and my foot bandaged after kicking a door in. “American Pie” will by playing in the background. I can’t dive off the diving board with my foot bandaged though. It might have to wait.

I bet even Amazon can’t make those dreams come true.

Elzey is a columnist for the Register & Bee. She can be reached at [email protected].

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